I tend to make assumptions that are surely mistakes. For example I believe that all human beings when exposed to them will love the Beatles. I first was exposed to them in my early twenties, surely late in life. I remember this experience perfectly, in spite of my memory not being what it should be.
Back then with my best friend Alejandro who later became my boyfriend and first husband I attended a reading circle that focused mainly on philosophy. We read folks like Engels, Hegel and Marx. Aside from my natural curiosity to learn, all I wanted was to be with Alejandro. All of us were college kids, idealistic and naïve. Maria and her husband were the ones who coordinated the reading circle and we admired them because they were really experienced and knowledgeable.
One day, instead of our usual weekly discussion we decided to have a party. In all sincerity, I felt I didn’t belong there. I was shy, I didn’t know how to socialize nor did I have the valuable social skill of small talk. The only person I felt comfortable with was Alejandro, who had a keen intelligence and was as honest as me. In the name of honesty we said things that now in my maturity I wouldn’t say to anyone; and in the long run probably hurt me more than him.
It was a big party, my only anchor was Alejandro and at some point I lost him in the midst of all those people drinking and laughing and, generally, having a blast. To calm myself down and not give myself away as a lonely, shy and friendless person, I stepped outside and I probably smoked a cigarette trying to make myself go back and join all the young people that had no emotional issues (whatever they were) like me. I was trying to convince myself that I belonged, that I had a right to be there. I finally went back hoping to find Alejandro. As I came into the main room the lights were out and the only light was the one filtering in through the windows. It was early evening, so there was still sunlight. I was surprised to see couples in embrace dancing to music that immediately captivated and struck me still: the song playing loud, was sweet and sad at the same time, it was a song I had never heard in my life. I was transfixed, I realized it was a song perfect for dancing with someone close to you. I wondered, “Who’s singing?” I just remembered a melodious “I'm in love for the first time/ Don't you know it's gonna last/ It's a love that lasts forever/ It's a love that had no past/ (and then the plea) Don’t let me down.”
Later I learned they were the Beatles. And so I made them mine. I discovered that John is my favorite Beatle.
So many years later, it turns out that my second husband Raul is a Beatle freak. The happy thing, at least for me, is that our daughter Valentina loves the Beatles, just like us. And as it should be.
John always touches my heart. Just this week I was listening to Beautiful Boy as he wrote it for his son Sean, and I thought of that boy’s loss and I remember feeling upset, like crying. And I got really resentful against that Chapman fellow. He not only took John’s life, he stole from all of us as he took from John his more productive and artistic years yet to come. Who knows what he had in store for us as he came into himself without the other three and as he was coming into the maturity of his years?
Ultimately, though, the Beatles never let me down.
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