I just finished reading The Gap Year that roped me in when I found out that it was about a mother-daughter relationship. Being the mother of one preteen girl, I’m obsessed about how other women might handle this relationship and to see if there is anything different about how mothers from other cultural and racial backgrounds feel about their daughters.
I liked the book’s format. The novel is organized by dated entries: one by Cam (no, she isn’t a Cameron), the mom, and a year earlier by Aubrey her teenage daughter , so you are privy to their thoughts and points of view. They read as authentic people, as opposed to “created characters.”
We find this single mom raising her daughter since the age of two after Martin, her husband just up and leaves for what he believes is his religious true calling, and just right after Cam bets on life in the 'burbs outside the city because of its better school system. Wanting what all parents want, to be in a position to offer Aubrey a better education, Cam is not a happy camper in her chosen suburb. But as the time to go to college approaches, Cam painfully discovers that Aubrey is not so much into the plan of getting a college education any more. She is totally captivated by high school football hero Ty-Mo, who in turn, is having serious doubts about his own college education based on a sport he doesn’t enjoy anymore.
Complicated? Wait until you find out that Martin, Aubrey’s dad, decides to “friend” her through Facebook during this time and sees he has to face a still very resentful Cam.
I liked this book because like Cam, my thirteen (counting the year of my pregnancy) mother years have been all about providing the best educational opportunities that my financial situation has allowed me to offer my little girl. In my mind college is not an option it is a “must.” Period. So I can sympathize with Cam absolutely. I am disappointed by the fact that Aubrey does not see the importance of those four years at a university. And as all parents do, this is what I tell myself: "My daughter will be different."
But then I can also remember somewhat what it’s like to be seventeen or eighteen years of age, when you feel and think that you are capable of believing yourself smarter than your parents, and you are so clear about life. When the truth is, down the road, a couple of decades later you will realize you really had no idea about anything.
So reading Aubrey’s entries was the surprising part to me, a nice reminder that more than knowing and understanding what Cam is going through, it’s also about the many paths (not just college) that open up to a young person at this age and how everything acquires a life-or-death intensity for them. Tolerance, flexibility, acceptance and gut-love are the virtues that we parents have to struggle to maintain and refresh constantly. Bottom line: Stay ready, the hard part is not over once we're done potty training them.
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