I’ve always been quite naïve and I still am. I tend to keep myself hopeful, optimistic, and grateful. I’m always expecting miraculous things to happen to me, and I think they will happen quite unexpectedly and unexplainably.
Throughout the years:
-When I get home after work every afternoon, I always open my mailbox expectantly. I always hope to find an envelope waiting for me with something wonderful: a letter from a dear person from far away, money from a benefactor (anonymous or not). After email came to be an everyday thing, this dream has been harder to keep, but nonetheless I keep looking for that something wonderful amidst my junk mail and bills, every day. And yes, I'm briefly dissapointed, but next day my hope flares high. I promised myself that I would stop looking inside the mailbox waiting for something wonderful. And I just can’t.
-I’ve convinced myself that I will win the lottery. I know the mathematical improbability of this and I know most people will reasonably think of me as foolish. But I hold on to my absurd logic, which is: If it’s true that one in 16 to 20 million people will win the Lotto, I ask myself, “What am I, if not but one in that immense number?" I’m convinced it will happen. Yeah, I’ll keep you posted.
I don’t see how I will ever be a person without debt, mi high dream. My mortgage is big, my debts are big. And since I don’t hold but one job, no matter how fair and lovely it might be, it will never be enough to get me out of the hole. But, then I think, “Wait one freaking moment! Just how much is too much?”
Unfortunately, from my personal point of view, $400,000 doesn’t seem to me to be such an excessive amount of money. And yet we (Husband and I) will need a lifetime (30 years in the case of our mortgage) to pay this amount which I would say safely encompasses all that we owe as a family. There are thousands, millions surely, that have that and more to dispose of. There’s Oprah, kids Mark Z., Justin and Selena, Spielberg and Cruise, to name but a few. If they saw one of their accounts diminish by less than half a mill, to them this amount would be but a rose petal slap on their fair cheeks. Would you agree?
So, why do I have to be in the group that wonders why it’s so expensive to eat, say, at PF Chang’s. The other weekend we spent $85 on a nice lunch for the three of us, and grateful as I am that were able to pay it with our debit card and not use a credit card, I couldn’t help but worry and worry, that for struggling people like us, that was a nice little chunk of change that we shouldn’t have spent on eating out. But we did. And as my dear daddy would say often enough, “The only reason we work so hard, my daughter, is to have enough to eat, damn it!”
I'm aware that money does not buy you happiness or peace of mind (I'm actually reading a psychology book that talks about this). The most valuable things in life like oxygen and family, you don't get to buy. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my husband silly and goofy when he is doing well in health and emotions, and to see my daughter ecstatic as when we told her she could go to a clogging convention in Waco this month. But I tell you, without wanting to seem materialistic, little can be accomplished without those green papers we call money.
So there you have it, friends, my most intimate thoughts about money. I’m not regular, but I do buy a Texas Two Step Lotto ticket, and I will also buy tickets for the Texas Lotto and the Mega Millions every now and then. With the first one I’m shooting for that magical 400,000K to know what it is to be debt free. With the other two tickets, I’m shooting to retire and live life like wealthy folk do in the First World. Here's me to the Law of Attraction: Universe, bring it! And to you all: Let's live in faith, expecting miracles on a daily basis.
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